If this episode was from 23:50 - 25:20 = A+.
Because it was not = F.
dunno why this cut doesn't work. you'll have to click on the title above to see what's under the cut for some reason.
Everyone else GTFO.
Dear Bryan Elsley, I made this for you. This is our grande
*The beginning of this was legit me & my love for Mr. Elsley. so true 2 lyfe tbh -- including me being older than everyone else & MORE excited*
Buddy: Who the heck are you?
Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Bryan Elsley.
Buddy: No, you're not.
Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Skins USA?
Buddy: Don't tell him what you want; he's a liar.
Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.
Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.
Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.
Buddy: You're a fake.
Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?
Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding.
Buddy: You stink.
Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good season, all right.
Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Bryan Elsley.
This is my life. ;) TROLOLOLOLOL.
BEST ROLL EVER
CADIE, GIVE ME YOUR PONCHO/DRESS.
The rest of this episode?
NOTHING IS BEAUTIFUL & EVERYTHING HURTS.
Just everything was horribly wrong with this.
Trying to justify child molestation?
Playing the whole legal aspect/interrogation as a spoof?
Chris blackmailing his teacher?
Tina is a paedo, how she doesn't seem to grasp this?
CLASS ACT, SKINS. CLASS ACT.
IT'S ALL A FUCKING JOKE, ISN'T IT? That angered me legitimately tbh. That whole shtick... I forgot how hilarious raping children is. ("Oh but he wasn't raped! He wanted to do it! He seduced her!" These things are technically true as we were shown them. However, she is still legally an adult and he is still legally a child. She should know better. If it was DAVE having sex with Chris, or Michelle, would you feel the same then? Double-standards don't make things okay and more adorable and romantic. Not in my world anyway.) I feel icky too cos yes, Chris ~may be 17. But I was 15 when I went into Gr 11. JUST SAYING. Dunno what time of yr this shit even is, but he could be 15. He could be 16. Or it could be 2nd term and he could be 16 or he could be 17. Not that it makes any difference legally (does it? I dunno US law much). A 16-yr-old boy isn't even as mature as a 16-yr-old girl supposedly, let alone a 23-yr-old girl, regardless of her age-issues.
It was gross.
It WAS inappropriate of Tina. It wasn't heart-breaking. She deserves what she gets. Chris is terrifying. He's not endearing. Simulating sex GROSSSSSS. I didn't need to see that at all, esp not more than once. All the kids are dumbasses. Daisy's gross. Abbud is gross. Stan is... I don't even know. All that fire alarm stuff was ridic. The pot in the school parking lot was ridic. The child molestation was GROSS. And it was exactly that. Adult having sex with underage person. WRONG. "But I love her." STILL WRONG. Not Romeo & Juliet. JUST WRONG. Peter Pan syndrome is not an excuse for touching up children/being seduced by them (Michael Jackson can attest to that.) -- cos honestly, if you're seduced by a young boy, you must have something wrong with you. Normal adults are not turned on to the point of having sex by 16-yr-olds. ... Right?
And plus, Chris is creepy. Not charming. Not endearing. Nothing like UK Chris. (Should I be glad or sad about this? It makes me sad cos I hate this Chris and loved UK Chris, but glad cos at least this doesn't sully his good name.)
As for the Dave shit... Yes. That was terrifying as well. But see, here's a trick about story-writing: If you have an unlikable protagonist doing something shady (like, I dunno, boning minors), you need to make another character even MORE unlikable and pit them against your protagonist in order to garner SYMPATHY for your protagonist, who otherwise would be seen as horrible -- but relatively now, comes off as ~not so bad~. And thus, creepy stalker Dave is born. Things that are wrong with this method? Everything. You shouldn't have protagonists like that. It's lazy and sloppy if you can't evoke sympathy/understanding for them any other way. (Think Tony vs Josh S1. Kinda the same deal, except Tony DID have underlying good things about him and he was charming.)
If this is MTV!Skins' idea of "breaking off from the original" - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. I could like get into way loads of detail about this whole ep. But it's just fail. Not edgy. Just a waste of an episode.
I do love out-of-control, spiralling into a hot mess Michelle, ngl. Tho, she had way more than just one e, LOL. (Trust me... unless possibly it's damn pure molly) Bitch was fucking flying. I thought it was the best scene for actual like ... realism? Am I saying that? In Skins USA? In THIS episode? The touching of the hair and face and the dancing. Nostalgia, I love you. Well done. And Cadie = Amazing. I want her around to cockblock assholes for me as well. NIPS&CADES=BFFS 4EVA. And other than James, I thought everyone including Camille and Ron did decently in those 30 seconds. I also didn't mind Rachel in her "shut up everyone" scene. It's the first time she's actually played that kind of scene decently. Good for her. (I won't say anything about her other one in the cafe tho. Nothing nice, don't talk, etc.) She needs a better stylist tho. WHY DO THEY INSIST ON DRESSING MICHELLE LIKE THIS? IDGI. Was Tea even in this? No? Me likey.
FIRE EVERYONE ...
EXCEPT CADIE & MICHELLE.
MAKE SERIES 2 ONLY ABOUT THEM
AND THEIR ADVENTURES.
SKINS USA PROBLEM SOLVED.
YOU ARE WELCOME, BRYAN ELSLEY.
Pay me royalties, btw.
I should be the teen advisory board. Why don't they listen to us? Like people who legit know about partying and what they want to see on TV and aren't insane? *a la James Fitch*: Why why why!! Also, I love shag carpets too. Not even lying tho. I wanted one but i'm not allowed one cos we used to have one and it gets really dirty, apparently. But when I lived with my bf this summer and he let me decorate his flat, I bought one. I spent hours walking on it in bare feet, and touching it. I really do love shag carpets. You can ask him how excited I was when I bought it. Oooh boi. MICHELLE REINHART+E+SHAG CARPET=SPIRIT ANIMAL 4 LYFE, GPOY, WIFEY, FLAWLESS, ETC.
I'm going to make a fanmix purely for hot mess Michelle (and Cadie) and their ecstasy love. Only good thing about this whole series tbh. ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN WE AIN'T SLEPT IN WEEKS. (my old anthem yo). Seriously, when I'm done all this coursework that is piling on my head like a fucking massive poo, I'll give it a go. Or maybe I'll procrastinate more... especially since I don't have Tumblr to accomplish that task any longer.
And you know, just for the sake of it, let's relieve MTV!Skins crowning achievement:
Yes. It is necessary.
Unfortunately, however, not even the best scene of MTV!Skins entire run can pull this episode back from failure. It was just too awful overall. Shame.
Best episode review I've ever written tbh. LOOLOLOL. Needs more carpet. Also, isn't it kind of funny that Michelle grabs her own hair, then the carpet and gets really excited about it... and her hair looks almost identical to the carpet. I thought it was funny anyway.